


It's All Fine

by rebeccakbaa



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/F, Femlock, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 13:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5587657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebeccakbaa/pseuds/rebeccakbaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Femlock oneshot, a sort-of internal monologue by Joan about all the times she's been in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All Fine

Joan had been in love three times in her life.

Well, three times so far. But she was pretty sure that she would only ever be in love three times. 'Third time's the charm', and all that.

But yes, three times.

First she loved Nicholas Porter. He was lovely, all tall with golden hair and pretty smile and all that. And he was eight, which was extremely attractive to your average seven year old, but anyway. She was in love with him. Well, as in love as you can be at that age. She was in love with him from the moment he helped her up when she fell during P.E. She was in love with him when he waved at her when his mom picked him after school. She was in love with him all through homework and dinner as her mother heard repeatedly. She was in love with him the next morning when he hung up his coat in the classroom. In fact, she was in love with him right until lunch that day, when he kissed Anna Marr on the cheek on a dare. He went a very bright red and refused to talk to any of the girls for the rest of the day, and Sophie Farling loudly announced that this was because he fancied Anna. Anna's obvious embarrased delight after this was revealed was the complete opposite of Joan's heartbreak in that instant. She decided right then that she was wasting her time being in love with silly Nicholas Porter who was far too busy being in love with Anna Marr anyway. No point crying over spilt milk, as her mom would say.

Next was Emma Lane. She was in Joan's art class in Year 10. She had a light brown bob, chubby cheeks and the most wicked sense of humour - she would say the most outrageous things at the most inappropriate times to get Joan in heaps of trouble for laughing uncontrollably. They would spend hours together, drawing stupid comics or just chatting outside the church in town. They only kissed the once, and later Emma laughed it off as a bit of fun. Joan was most definitely in love with her, and it was a lot more painful then it had been with Nicholas.

Last (or at least, probably last) is Sherlock. Sherlock is ... not quite like anyone Joan has ever met. She's not lovely, like Nicholas was, or funny like Emma. She is more beautiful than either of then were, but also harsher. It nearly hurts to look at Sherlock sometimes. She doesn't care about anyone, not even herself never mind Joan. She doesn't seem to be able to understand social norms or why people feel certain things, and yet simultaneously has built a career on understanding the way in which peoples mind's work. That sentence shouldn't have made any sense, yet in terms of Sherlock it does. She's a walking paradox. Most everyone who meets Sherlock feels both repulsed by her, or want to hit her yet also want to impress her. She is bizzare. And Joan loves her for it. For all of it. Joan wouldn't change a single thing about Sherlock, but it is part of Sherlock's nature to never be able to love anyone the way Joan loves her. And that's ok. At least, Joan thinks it's ok. Honestly, whether or not it's ok doesn't really matter. Joan is pretty sure she will never be able to move on from Sherlock like she did Nicholas and Emma. Emma hurt her, Nicholas barely touched her but if she tried to stop loving Sherlock it would destroy her. But it's irrelevant. She will stay, and be whatever Sherlock wants her to be and that will be enough. It will be fine.

It's all fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Please keep in mind that this is my very first fic ever, and it's two in the morning my time and I'm not bothered to proof-read it. Also, I'm pretty sure I lost the point of the story about half-way through. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it! Also, I'm DESPERATELY looking for femlock recs if you wouldn't mind commenting any that come to mind. Much obliged!


End file.
